You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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