Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
