Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize