i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
