Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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