Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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