In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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