she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
