My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
