My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
