I can text with my tongue
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
