You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
