what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
