My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
