i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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