You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
