I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
