smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize