she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
