operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
