I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
