Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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