if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
