Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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