She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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