Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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