I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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