what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
