4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
