return my video game
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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