I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
