Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
