I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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