If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
