Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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