Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
