the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
