Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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