Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
