I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
