If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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