I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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