I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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