GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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