I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize