i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
