No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
