She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
