This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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