i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im six kinds of drunk right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
