she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize