Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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