I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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