I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
