so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
