i was born a porn star she said
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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