Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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