I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
