So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
