I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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