Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize