I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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