Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
