Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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