I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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