Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize