JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
