remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
