fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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