no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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