I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize