can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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