I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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