she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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