I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's never too late to be topless.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
