Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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