we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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