i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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