at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
