Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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