Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
