Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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