Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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