If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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