i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
