Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize