So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
