The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
