you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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