there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
