my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
